Devin arrived from school Thursday and I watched as he stepped off the bus. He looked at me and the first words out of his mouth were, " " I got lots to tell you...".
Which means that the day was rough and he got in trouble at school. He walked into the house slowly and just shook his head, as he walked past me he mumbled, " this going to school thing is just too hard." I knew it had been a rough day and he was gonna need to decompress. I had him sit with me and I hugged him ... that was a good way to start.
Devin said, " I yelled at my teacher and I am no good at paper work." I looked at him and said yes you are good at writing and why were you yelling at the teacher? He gave me a big hug and said in my ear in a whisper, " I don't think my writing is good ... and she treats me like a little boy . " I looked at him and smiled, " Devin you are a little boy and if you keep practicing your writing it will get better. I know you can do it. Your Mother's day card was great and you wrote beautifully." He sat up and said, " If I get better can I be a big boy and no more paper work? " I laughed and said, "stop rushing to be a big boy and be 7 Devin and enjoy it". He looked at me and said' "Mom I am BIG can't you see I ride the bus and I make my breakfast ! "
I looked at him and almost laughed and hugged him again and kissed his beautiful cheeks. "Yes Devin you are getting bigger but we need to learn some new things and Ms. Cheryl is a great teacher." He sat there and stared at his backpack. He looked up and got off the couch, walked to me and said; " Can I start over tomorrow?" I smiled "Yes you can, everyday is another chance to start over." He handed me his backpack and said; "I am glad now can I eat something good?" We walked into the kitchen and we made brownies together .... not a bad way to end a rough day I think.
Devin gave me another lesson that day; sometimes knowing you can start over makes everything OK.
Devin takes each day at a time and sometimes needs to be reminded that being a little boy is OK, that trying hard is difficult, and that everyday you get to start from scratch. Sometimes what Devin teaches me makes me think that no matter what he knows a little more than I do . I like that :)
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Devin & My Grandmother share a moment .....
Saturday was one of those days that really left me thinking .... here is why.
Yesterday my mother, Devin, and myself went to see my grandmother and aunt in Petaluma.
My grandmother suffers from Alzheimer's and she is 89 years old ... needless to say things are not well and we are watching her slowly disappear mentally and physically things are starting to catch up. It is hard to watch her not be her ... but she is still talking and trying to communicate. She has a strong spirit and is fighting this everyday. We call my grandma Pimpa just to keep things clear.
Devin went with us to visit her and had a backpack full of toys and kept asking when are we getting there. Typical 7 year old stuff. Once we got there he saw her and walked over and said "Hi Pimpa, it's me Devin." She looked at him and smiled and touched his face and he just stood there and let her feel his face and hair. He looked at my Mom and said; "Your Mom is not well Nana , I can help her ." So he pulled up a chair and talked to her about his toys, rubbed her hands, and kissed her hand a few times. We all watched to see what he would do next. He kept looking at her and said, "You will feel better soon let me sing to you ..." so he started singing "I see the moon and the moon sees me, the moon sees who I love, so God bless the moon and God bless me and God bless the one I love ..." he knew every word and Pimpa listened and smiled.
He was amazing .... he could tell she wasn't well and he was so sweet and thoughtful to her. He came over to me and said, " Pimpa needs a nap and we need to be quiet." I said to him, " Yes Devin you are right she is tired and she needs her rest ," So he kissed her head and said his good night and walked out of her room. I just watched him and looked at her and thought what a special moment they just had and I got to watch my son comfort his Great Grandmother when she needed it most ... an amazing sight.
These are the times I wonder if the sensitivity he has from being autistic is really so bad... maybe its not the perfect way to be but he gave one sweet lady some comfort for a moment in time and I was there to see his gifts at work. Blessed and proud that I am :)
Yesterday my mother, Devin, and myself went to see my grandmother and aunt in Petaluma.
My grandmother suffers from Alzheimer's and she is 89 years old ... needless to say things are not well and we are watching her slowly disappear mentally and physically things are starting to catch up. It is hard to watch her not be her ... but she is still talking and trying to communicate. She has a strong spirit and is fighting this everyday. We call my grandma Pimpa just to keep things clear.
Devin went with us to visit her and had a backpack full of toys and kept asking when are we getting there. Typical 7 year old stuff. Once we got there he saw her and walked over and said "Hi Pimpa, it's me Devin." She looked at him and smiled and touched his face and he just stood there and let her feel his face and hair. He looked at my Mom and said; "Your Mom is not well Nana , I can help her ." So he pulled up a chair and talked to her about his toys, rubbed her hands, and kissed her hand a few times. We all watched to see what he would do next. He kept looking at her and said, "You will feel better soon let me sing to you ..." so he started singing "I see the moon and the moon sees me, the moon sees who I love, so God bless the moon and God bless me and God bless the one I love ..." he knew every word and Pimpa listened and smiled.
He was amazing .... he could tell she wasn't well and he was so sweet and thoughtful to her. He came over to me and said, " Pimpa needs a nap and we need to be quiet." I said to him, " Yes Devin you are right she is tired and she needs her rest ," So he kissed her head and said his good night and walked out of her room. I just watched him and looked at her and thought what a special moment they just had and I got to watch my son comfort his Great Grandmother when she needed it most ... an amazing sight.
These are the times I wonder if the sensitivity he has from being autistic is really so bad... maybe its not the perfect way to be but he gave one sweet lady some comfort for a moment in time and I was there to see his gifts at work. Blessed and proud that I am :)
Saturday, May 7, 2011
What they gave me for Mother's Day ....
It's mother's day this weekend, being a mother of three children is a blessing.
Each child brings something special into my life every day.
I feel like each one of them adds something into my life that I could never accomplish without them.
Here is what they have blessed me with.
Alexandra is my sunshine.. from day one she brought light into my life and a breath of fresh air. She gives me the energy to see all the good and enjoy all the fun each day brings. When we are in the car and singing all the Pink & Katie Perry songs we know and smiling all the way I know my day is gonna be a great day! Alexandra's gift to me is simple; don't sweat the small stuff and keep moving ! LOL
Devin is my teacher ..... he shows me how to see the world in a different way and how to take one day at a time. Devin has the insight to help me understand that "everything will be alright Mommy" and " you weren't expecting that ! " are his famous quotes that always make me take a breath and see the horizon.
Devin's gift to me is knowing that no matter what we will find a way.. hope; that is a good thing.
Ethan is the man with a dimple ........ his laughter and smile will melt your heart. He gives the good mornings that make me feel warm and he knows that there is a hug waiting for him at all times. When he is sitting in the back seat of the car and I hear him singing to the music and dancing in his seat I get so tickled! I love that my son is energized and happy ... good times. Ethan gift is the gift of love and family that means so much to me.
So as you see all my Mother's day gifts have been with me all along... funny everyday is special , not always perfect, sometimes crazy, but always a blessing !
Happy Mother's Day and thank you Alex , Ethan, & Devin for being my inspiration :)
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
The things to learn ... according to Devin .
Being a woman has allowed me to experience so many things.
I have been in relationships, been in love, been in lust, been hurt, been married, been pregnant, been happy, been sad, been separated, been alone, been depressed, fallen in love again and again, been so many occupations, and been learning every step of the way.
For that I am truly grateful.
The places I have been and the people I have met have always helped me see things from another side and I have learned to appreciate everything in my life.
My favorite things in life are my family, my friends, and all the adventures I have had and will have !
But this time my adventure is close to my heart ... it is learning and working with one of my twin sons Devin ; he has high functioning autism.
The day I got the results of his evaluation I cried. It was so hard and I hugged him for a long time.
My heart felt like it broke and I blamed myself a thousand times and cried until I couldn't cry anymore.
Not because he had autism but because I was not sure what to do, where to turn to, what to think, and my mind just spun. But - after that cry ... I promised myself I would never cry again for those reasons.
If Devin can live, learn , and grow with autism then I can love, learn, and grow with him.
It was at that moment I decided that he did not have a disability but a special "ABILITY" to see things in a different way. At times he seems a bit overwhelmed and sensitive, but then I take my time and together we take things slow and work it out. Funny ... taking my time is a luxury, but for Devin it is a necessity. He sees the world in his own way sometimes but that's a good thing. Devin is an amazing teacher.
Perfect example of a lesson by Devin;
Earlier this year Devin's grandmother Pat passed away from lung cancer and it was such a sad time.
Christmas rolled along and we were at Grandpa John's house and Devin, Ethan, and Alexandra were opening presents with family. Grandpa John was sitting on the couch and he was watching the children and looked a little sad. Devin walked over and looked at John and asked; " Do you miss Grandma?" out of the blue ! John for a moment looked shocked and lost; but like always he composed himself and answered; " Yes Devin I miss Grandma." Devin looked at him in the face and said without a beat; " I miss her too. I miss her hugs too. She is here you know, all around us. " and with that response Devin went back to his toys.
Again it wasn't until a month later that John told me about this and he said; " I wasn't sure what to say but he was ready and made me smile. Devin could tell I needed a good word and he gave me what I needed. "
People think that children with autism don't know how to relate or feel things as deeply or empathize ..... how wrong they are. Devin has the ability to feel things at a deeper level but he just doesn't let it over shadow everything he does, thinks, or feels. He has his moments when he gets overwhelmed but he is never lost. He finds a way and goes with it.
He misses his Grandma Pat and likes talking about her. He does think about her hugs and that her ice cream desserts were the best.
Devin will have those memories in his mind and heart forever.
Being this my first blog here is what Devin taught me: to cherish all my memories and feel what you need to feel and embrace it. Pretty good for a 7 years old :)
I will post more are time goes on and the adventures happen ... so many and so little time to type them all. But I am gonna try !
HUGS
Sil
I have been in relationships, been in love, been in lust, been hurt, been married, been pregnant, been happy, been sad, been separated, been alone, been depressed, fallen in love again and again, been so many occupations, and been learning every step of the way.
For that I am truly grateful.
The places I have been and the people I have met have always helped me see things from another side and I have learned to appreciate everything in my life.
My favorite things in life are my family, my friends, and all the adventures I have had and will have !
But this time my adventure is close to my heart ... it is learning and working with one of my twin sons Devin ; he has high functioning autism.
The day I got the results of his evaluation I cried. It was so hard and I hugged him for a long time.
My heart felt like it broke and I blamed myself a thousand times and cried until I couldn't cry anymore.
Not because he had autism but because I was not sure what to do, where to turn to, what to think, and my mind just spun. But - after that cry ... I promised myself I would never cry again for those reasons.
If Devin can live, learn , and grow with autism then I can love, learn, and grow with him.
It was at that moment I decided that he did not have a disability but a special "ABILITY" to see things in a different way. At times he seems a bit overwhelmed and sensitive, but then I take my time and together we take things slow and work it out. Funny ... taking my time is a luxury, but for Devin it is a necessity. He sees the world in his own way sometimes but that's a good thing. Devin is an amazing teacher.
Perfect example of a lesson by Devin;
Earlier this year Devin's grandmother Pat passed away from lung cancer and it was such a sad time.
Christmas rolled along and we were at Grandpa John's house and Devin, Ethan, and Alexandra were opening presents with family. Grandpa John was sitting on the couch and he was watching the children and looked a little sad. Devin walked over and looked at John and asked; " Do you miss Grandma?" out of the blue ! John for a moment looked shocked and lost; but like always he composed himself and answered; " Yes Devin I miss Grandma." Devin looked at him in the face and said without a beat; " I miss her too. I miss her hugs too. She is here you know, all around us. " and with that response Devin went back to his toys.
Again it wasn't until a month later that John told me about this and he said; " I wasn't sure what to say but he was ready and made me smile. Devin could tell I needed a good word and he gave me what I needed. "
People think that children with autism don't know how to relate or feel things as deeply or empathize ..... how wrong they are. Devin has the ability to feel things at a deeper level but he just doesn't let it over shadow everything he does, thinks, or feels. He has his moments when he gets overwhelmed but he is never lost. He finds a way and goes with it.
He misses his Grandma Pat and likes talking about her. He does think about her hugs and that her ice cream desserts were the best.
Devin will have those memories in his mind and heart forever.
Being this my first blog here is what Devin taught me: to cherish all my memories and feel what you need to feel and embrace it. Pretty good for a 7 years old :)
I will post more are time goes on and the adventures happen ... so many and so little time to type them all. But I am gonna try !
HUGS
Sil
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